| By Paul Smith 
Paul Smith teaches special education in the Cognitive Disabilities
Borderline program at Oshkosh West High School. He began
his teaching career in September of 1998. | It’s interesting to me that I’m back in a high school
teaching, because high school was a terrible experience for me
the first time around. It must be some kind of karma that wants
me to experience high school again, but more positively this time.
I know that high school continues to be a place where kids are
bullied and harassed every day, but I was determined that I was
not going to tolerate it this time. I was going to be the teacher
who never let the word “fag” go unchallenged, and
who wouldn’t tolerate “that’s so gay”
to be said about anything. I was so determined because I remembered
what it was like to be a gay student. And my determination lasted
until the middle of my first day at West High. After hearing the
words “fag” and “dyke” tossed around casually
in the hallways dozens of times, and after hearing everything
negative referred to as “gay,” I realized that I was
going to have to pick my battles. Maybe I would address it only
when it happened in my class, or maybe only when I could see someone
was being victimized. I really backed down on my principles that
first week. What a disappointing feeling. I lived with my disappointment for my first year teaching special
education at West High. All my colleagues knew I was gay, but
I only came out to my students or their parents when they asked.
And I found most of my students remarkably uninterested in my
personal life. During my second year, a reporter from the local
newspaper called and wanted to interview my partner and me for
a story on same-gender marriage. At the time, equal marriage was
about to arrive in Massachusetts, and we happened to be a couple
that had relocated from there. The reporter came and talked with
us for a while, and then a photographer came and took some pictures.
Nothing too exciting - just quotes about what we do with our lives,
and some photos of us cooking dinner. We're a little more boring
than your average couple. On their way out, they told us that
they would run an article about us on Thursday. This made me a
little bit nervous about Thursday. Actually, this made me a lot
nervous about Thursday. Wednesday night I couldn’t sleep. And early Thursday morning
I took a walk down the street to the newspaper machine. I almost
stopped breathing when I saw our pictures, two of them, and big,
on the front page of the Oshkosh Northwestern, above the fold.
The Northwestern also happened to be delivered free to every classroom
at school first thing in the morning. My first thought was to
call in sick. My second thought knew that would only make things
worse. So I went to school. At first, it was worse than I thought. Students were of course in the hall shrieking and laughing about
whatever was the big news of the day. This is standard high school
drama, actually, but I just wasn’t used to being the drama.
When the bell rang and I walked into class, my students were the
quietest and best behaved they had been all year. They were all
just sitting in their seats, waiting in anticipation for what
I was going to say. I wondered if this was what teaching would
have been like in the 1950s. So this is what I said. "I guess you've all seen the paper
by now. This is a picture of my partner and me. He and I live
together. You might be very surprised by this news. And I meant
to tell you all about my family earlier, but it just never came
up, and I'm sorry about that. So, does anybody have any questions?"
Then there was one of those long awkward classroom pauses, like
when I've asked a question that's too hard, and everybody tries
to avoid eye contact. But then the questions started. Like, "How
long have you known you were gay?" and "Is your partner
nice?" and "Do you have any kids?" And then they
started sharing stories. It seemed most of them knew someone who
was gay, but no one had talked about them before. One student
had a gay uncle. So did another, but her family doesn't talk to
him anymore. One had a gay friend from middle school, and said
she wasn’t sure what to think about that. And that led us
into a whole discussion about name-calling, bullying, and using
respectful language. Then the bell rang, and they all left for
their next class. And that was that. By lunchtime, I was old news. The students
had more important matters to attend to by then, like getting
back to the running list of who's going out with whom. For the
rest of that day, and the next day, I actually received nothing
but positive comments, and phone calls, and notes, and e-mails
from other teachers, and parents of my students. I know not everybody
was happy with having an openly gay teacher at West High, but
those people were nice enough not to say anything to me. No bricks
were thrown though my window. There were no pitchforks or torches
as I imagined when we first contemplated moving to the Midwest.
And honestly, that's one of the nicest things about living here.
Politeness trumps politics most days.
So I’m an openly gay teacher in a Wisconsin public school.
Ta-da! It’s a relief to be completely honest, though. And
even though the word “fag” is still hurled about the
school many times every day, at least nobody says it in my presence
anymore. And a couple of students who have gay-identified have
come to talk to me since that Thursday. I don't have too much
profound advice for them, but I can listen to their concerns,
tell them that I know how they feel, and assure them that things
will get better. Gay kids continue to have a tough time in school - some better
and some worse than others. But a lot has changed in our schools
since I was in high school. Many schools have Gay-Straight Alliances,
and teachers are better trained to handle harassment and bullying.
There are more openly gay role models, and same-gender relationships
are somewhat more socially accepted. Gay students are still bullied
more in school, though, and they’re still at a higher risk
for suicide. Even so, I’m finding the high school experience
to be much more positive this time around. Return to New Teachers page Posted November 29, 2005 |