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By Erin Teksten
Erin Teksten began her teaching career in 2005. She is currently a substitute teacher in Madison. | I’m a fairly new teacher. There have been days where I (briefly) thought, “OK, I’ve got it! No more growing pains!” Then I wake up and realize that it was just a snow day or maybe just a brief alignment of the moon. Other days, I’m grasping at air, recognizing that people spend their lives in this profession and never completely master it. After a few years of both domestic and international teaching positions, I decided to start over again, in a new city, without a job, without a car, determined to find a balance in my life. I found myself again on a job search, this time with a few more years of experience and feeling much wiser. I was no longer the wide-eyed and earnest young girl I started as, convinced that spreading my love of languages to the world would unite and save us all. In fact I already felt burned out, and I arrived to my new city determined I would not apply for any more teaching jobs. (I didn’t want to be tricked into that again!) Instead, I decided to take my time as I explored my professional career options. I was no longer interested in honing my barista skills, yet breaking into another field of work is definitely a challenge. In the meantime, I told myself, I would substitute teach, just to get by until I found another “real” job. Soon, I realized I had stumbled upon one of the best kept secrets in the education profession: substitute teaching. Yes, you read that right - I don’t hate this job. This is the job that most people pity, fondly remembering their days in school when they tortured the poor, unsuspecting “subs” that came in and out of their lives. Not only is this not the worst job on Earth, but because of the current free space in my thoughts and life for creativity, I realized there is a joy and peace in substitute teaching that I have since applied to the rest of my life. I meet new teachers every day in the break room when I’m subbing, and almost always I receive a sad, pitiful look, when someone inevitably asks, “How is your job search going?” I wonder - “Should I tell them I haven’t even applied to the district?” “Should I tell them that I’ve actually got the better deal here?” In good spirits, they usually try to console me, and reassuringly promise that I will be “snapped up” real soon with my skills. I just smile, and go back to the new book I’ve been reading. I also soon realized that, of course, I did need to approach each day with the right attitude, or I would start believing that I had a horrible job. And this is one of the first big realizations I had when I began subbing, which I began repeating as my daily mantra: Everything is Temporary. Everything. The good days are temporary; the bad days are temporary. Some students are terribly rude, and others draw me pictures and give me warm hugs at the end of just one day of 3rd grade. The next day I might return to baby-sitting 16- year-olds doing a worksheet. Either way, it’s all temporary, and being attached to it does no good. I try my best not to take anything personally, and leave it all as I walk out that classroom door every day, taking no papers home to grade to enjoy my afternoon. Most teachers tell me they would find the day-to-day instability of my job a large stressor. I admit it’s not always convenient to wake up at 6 a.m. and not know where you’ll be going that day. But isn’t that also a bit exciting? There’s a mystery element in my life that I honestly enjoy. I love that I get to meet new people daily. Sometimes I learn about a new book to read, or get to watch a new movie in a class. Other days, I learn a new bit of World History as I read through a chapter with the students. The important thing is that I’ve learned to be open to new experiences and people I encounter, in or outside of schools. An open mind is an open heart, and being open to new things brings new insights and perspectives. Besides, do we ever really know what will happen to us on a given day? Many people live in fear every single day that they wake up. Fear of a meeting with their boss. Fear of making a mistake. Fear of a car accident. Those fears may have a basis, but worry really is just wasted energy, so why succumb to it? Whenever I feel fear and worry creep in to my thoughts, I do my best to just let it pass through. Do I want to do this for the rest of my life? Probably not. Maybe. Who knows, I might even become a “real” teacher again someday. I haven’t become apathetic or cold, but I’ve definitely learned to take things in stride. Substitute teaching helps me remember every single day that “everything is temporary,” and I try to appreciate and be thankful for every single moment.
Return to New Teachers page Posted April 9, 2008 |