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By Amelia Armstrong
We like to call it the “Lysol Song,” although really it’s just the crashing sound the piano makes while my colleague and I meticulously wipe off each piano key from bottom to top. If I even start to think about how many grimy, pencil-gripping, corndog-eating fingers have touched my piano, I get the shivvies. The “Lysol Song” is my only defense. Or is it? How to protect myself from millions of teenage germs is something I never could have been prepared to deal with as a new teacher. I have determined, through much unscientific research, that staying healthy while being a teacher is virtually impossible. I have tried and tested the two general approaches to teacher health. The first approach is to avoid as many germs and human contact moments as possible. This is the approach most of us take. We start with 20 hand-washings per day, but if any of you have actually used school soap on your hands 20 times a day and still have skin left that isn’t red and blotchy I commend you. Next we hose down everything with antibacterial cleaner, but the moment we finish cleaning a surface, it’s as if an instant message is sent to every student in the building … “Hey, she just cleaned the piano…now’s our chance!” Or ... “The chalkboard is pristine, and I’ve always wanted to spell my name backwards 11 times with my opposite hand!” We even try squirting endless amounts of hand sanitizer goop on our palms, but then have trouble setting down a marker because our hands are so tacky. Enter health approach number two: I will expose myself to as many germs as possible and welcome illness, because it will build up my immune system while I am young and prevent severe illness later. This would be the approach your parents take when they send you over to your friend’s house when she has chicken pox. It’s the “toughen up” mentality, as my dad used to say. What doesn’t kill you will make you stronger. Yet after recovering from mono, a killer cold and the norovirus, I do not recall feeling stronger. I do recall feeling really good about walking a straight line…does that count? I’m not even sure that the students are the biggest source of germs for teachers. At any school, in any teacher workroom, there’s bound to be snacks. Those tasty snacks are enticing, especially if you’re like me and you occasionally eat breakfast after you get to school. Be a smart consumer of these teacher treats, and search for a spoon in that snack mix. If you’re diving into the M&Ms with your fingers, you can bet someone else has, too. Has that cream cheese dip been refrigerated? So here’s the scenario. I teach about 20 voice lessons a day. Each student stands about five feet away, well within spit-firing range while they’re struggling with French text. They sneeze and cough in my direction, while I actually tell them to open their mouth wider to sing. Sometimes I find myself holding my breath until they are done coughing, or turning my head while they sneeze. I am fortunate to have older students who do not hug or cling to me as little ones like to do, but I am convinced the older students get, the more germ-firing distance they have. No one is safe! Sure, I stand in line with the rest of the staff for my annual flu shot, and for a moment, I feel invincible. That moment becomes a distant memory as I sit at home, shivering under my heating blanket, cuddling my lotion tissues and sipping chicken soup. I am pathetic. I let the kids and their germs beat me. No more. There is a new approach in my life. It is slightly obsessive, and it doesn’t always work, but I at least feel powerful to prevent or shorten my illnesses. My tricks are strange and numerous, but I think they work. I start by using the side button on the drinking fountain, and pressing it with my hip. Hands-free must equal germ-free! I open doorknobs either with a paper towel or my sleeve pulled over my hand. (I throw a little extra bleach in the laundry!) I bring my own moisturizing soap into school to wash my hands and leave the skin on them! Now if I could just resist the crab dip that’s been sittin out in the teachers’ lounge all day, I’d be set. Posted May 31, 2007 |
Amelia Armstrong is vocal director at Platteville High School.
She began her teaching career in September of 2004.