By Michael Peacy

When I first got a job teaching, I was terrified about parents. When you are starting out in this job, other teachers sure do like to tell you horror stories about parents going off on teachers. Luckily for me, I haven’t had this experience yet. I have had very positive parent experiences, no one’s gone off on me for any reason. I’ve seen it happen, just not in my room … knock on wood. In the spirit of sharing lessons learned as a teacher, I’ve learned that parents are not the "enemy," but a welcomed ally when working with students. Parent involvement has always been a very important factor not only in children’s academic lives, but also in their social lives.

If you just pick up a daily paper and read, you’ll see evidence that parental influence is huge. I recently read an article in the Milwaukee Journal-Sentinel titled, “Green Bay heroism starts with parenting” (Monday, September 25, 2006). Mike Nichols, the reporter, wrote about the students in Green Bay who were planning a Columbine-like attack, but most of the article highlighted the boy who alerted the police to the threat and helped prevent another tragedy. Nichols stated that the boy should be treated like the hero he is. This student is a shining example of why kids should not abide by a “code of silence” all the time. So many times students don’t tell teachers about problems in school for fear of "narcing" on their classmates.

Nichols also asserted that the real hero in this story is the boy’s mother because she was concerned enough about her child to create a relationship with him. The student first talked to his mom about the planned attack, and she urged him to come forward. By building such a good relationship with her son, the mother successfully eliminated the "code of silence" common in schools. This story amazingly contrasts how one parent’s son came and talked to her about his concerns while the other students’ parents didn’t know their children were sawing off shotguns in their rooms! As a teacher, this point really hit home. Parents really have the most influence over a child, if they are willing to invest the time to nurture them.

The Green Bay example shows why involvement in our children’s lives is so important. We live in a rushed society: so much to do, so little time to do it. As a teacher, I feel this adage coming true this time of year. I sometimes wonder how in the world I can do it all: prepare for school, coach girls’ basketball and boys' wrestling, work a part-time job, and still have time to nurture my son. Being a father and being part of my son’s life are by far my most important missions. Even though I feel overwhelmed at times, I make it "priority one" to be actively involved in his life. It’s the little things, like reading bedtime stories, that definitely impact his mood and set the tone for the next day. Let’s face it, if there’s “always room for Jello,” then there’s always time for your child – you just have to make it a priority.

As a teacher, the view from the classroom clearly shows when families are involved in their children’s education and/or school. Students with strong family support seldom have behavior problems or missing work. If they do, and you notify their parents, and they help to resolve the issue. This is not always the case but when students have positive support in their lives they have the attitude that they can accomplish anything. In my district, terrific family involvement shows through our Parent Teacher Student Association.

I can’t say enough about our PTSA. The organization planned and executed our first annual back-to-school picnic, and it was a huge success. Along with plenty of food, a kickball tournament, and prizes, the picnic featured a dunk tank. You guessed it, I was the lucky, (or rather unlucky, depending upon your point of view) volunteer "dunkee." I was shocked to see the line of grinning students for once patiently waiting for their chance to dunk a nice guy like me. The night ended with a teacher versus PTSA kickball game – for those interested, the teachers won. I’m hoping they forget about the game before Teacher Appreciation Week – I really appreciated the massage gift certificate last year.

Of course, these are the very active, fortunate parents who have the time to commit to the school as well as to their children. Everyone who planned the picnic, played in the exciting kickball game, or came as a family to the picnic, all have children who are wonderful students to have in class. In addition, I need to pay tribute to those parents whom I haven’t met face-to-face but have given me the tools to help their child succeed. Last year I started off having a very rough year with a student. The parents sent me an e-mail explaining that when pushed he has a tendency to push back and then it can escalate. They told me that if I talked to him and worked it out everything would be fine. That strategy worked well. They were right. They do know their child.

Parents, like students, come in many forms: including parents who try to help too much and unintentionally hurt their child by pushing too hard, and parents who don’t push hard enough. When parents are involved in their children’s lives in a positive way, it obviously helps me as a teacher. Whether parents are involved with their children – and the degree of their involvement – really does make a difference for children and their teachers.

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Posted December 13, 2006